I can still smell the sweetly spicy scent of the florida water that floated through the air in a fine mist and coated my bare skin. The prickles of chilly dampness that landed on my face, stomach and back were like tiny kisses from the divine herself, and the whole scene felt as if it were happening in slow motion, a surreal blur of excitement and nerves as I silently wondered if I had indeed been "cleaned" and what tale my body would tell in the coming days.
For years now I've had the kind of experiences in meditation that make people either want to smack me or study me. Violent shaking, loud guttural noises and orgasmic energy movement are all par for the course these days, and I've stopped trying to diminish my experience for the sake of making other people feel better. What happens to me isn't normal.
A little over a year ago I traveled halfway around the globe to sit really still for 10 days. My older sister was leading a meditation retreat in Bali, and I had one of those deep, guttural knowings that my ass needed to be on that cushion sitting in that circle listening to what the Divine wanted me to know.
I have cocooned myself in my bedroom today.
Strewn around me is the evidence of a life lived somewhere between the concrete and the illusory. Piles of crystals of all textures and sheen litter my white down comforter. Decks upon decks of precariously-stacked oracle cards quietly hum with witchy words and haunting illustrations. Books by poets and mystics lay open and marked, giving away the roads into my soul.
I am hiding.
I feel so soft this morning. I am connected to myself and the whole in such a sweet, surrendered way.
I’ve been noticing lately how hard my edges get when I am entrenched in the trappings of the mind. When I am consumed with my body or with money or with whatever other distraction the ego tells me is truth. But when I pull myself away and I feel into the soft spaces of myself and the earth, I realize how false it all is.
I meditated on my connection with the earth this morning. I felt her beneath my feet, and I slipped into her steady warmth. I felt her core emanating vibrance and her waters fueling life. I felt a part of something bigger, and I released into it with relief.
I am a science experiment for the Divine. And it's showing up in the form of an alien presence in my meditations.
Today I went into meditation so clogged, so heavy. My stomach was upset from eating late, my body was tired from a weekend of too much sun and my muscles ached from two solid days in the car and a new bed.
But as I moved from the base of my spine up my body focusing the energy of expansiveness in each center of power in my body, I felt the clogs move. I observed my own resistance and with a trail of shaking and moaning that trembled throughout my cells, I experienced the clear sensation of a rag being dragged through the center channel of my being, scraping away the energetic goo that had formed inside my body.
I am feeling all the feelings this morning.
It's been this big storm swirling in my heart and gut for a few days, and I woke up this morning with it heavy and clunky inside my body. And just like that I felt more human than spirit, more matter than energy. And I'm openly and wildly resisting it. (Which usually doesn't help.)
I'm always a little miffed when my energy cycles back to the common. I have been entrenched in this healing work for many devoted years now, and I find myself believing that I should be immune to the "normal" spectrum of emotions. Why can't it just be rainbows and sunshine all the time?
Contrast. This is why.
The beings are back.
There was a time at the end of last year when they were there every morning. When I would close my eyes and breathe through my body, and just like that they would appear. Usually there were three of them, and they worked swiftly and thoroughly.
It was a strange feeling to know I was being tinkered with, to literally feel cords of energy being stretched outside my body, scrubbed at incredible speeds and then returned. To know that I was being watched and adjusted, tuned and programmed.
Going to a psychic or intuitive for the first time can be daunting for some. There is an immense amount of noise in our culture and media that creates stigma and fear around this sort of thing. The Western world has only in the last few decades begun to embrace the more spiritual practices of the East, and even though more and more people now readily utilize acupuncture, yoga, meditation and other energetic modalities of healing and wellbeing, there is still much confusion and miseducation about the nature of Spirit and energy in our lives.
Are you actively communicating with the Divine? Your highest self? That whisper that lives in your heart? When you are in communication with anyone in your life it means that you're doing three things.
Aside from the mechanics of how to actually meditate, the question I get most often about my personal meditation practice is how meditation has changed my life. And actually, those who are close to me don't even ask anymore; it's glaringly evident. I am seriously the happiest person I know. It has been just over a year and a half since I attended that first meditation workshop that set this all in motion, and to say my life has changed would be an understatement. In the time that I have been practicing this work, my dreams have unfolded in the most beautiful and loving ways, and it literally just keeps getting better and better.
