I've been deeeeep in my feelings lately.
Maybe it's the hot summer days listening to Taylor Swift croon on repeat or Eliza's refrains from Hamilton playing endlessly on my heart, but your girl has been properly angsty over here.
Like, rivaling-my-tween-daughter angsty.
I sat in the car with my husband yesterday vulnerably confiding in him about the waves of anxiety and the random streams of tears plaguing me recently. He grabbed my hand and said gently,
"Have you asked your guides for help?"
Hello friends! It's been a loooong time since I've written you here, and I'm so glad to feel you on the other side of the screen.
I've been feeling quiet lately. I deactivated my social media at the beginning of the year and have taken a much-needed exhale. I took several months off work and tended to my heart and spirit.
In the quiet, there have been sweet things bubbling.
I’ve been in pursuit of wisdom from my guides and my higher self for as long as I can remember. As an unsure teenager seeking guidance through the woes of adolescence and family and growing up. As an insecure 20-something desperately wanting clarity around career and self-worth and relationships. And now as a woman in her 30s who is finally (finally) leaning into her power and understanding what it means to find steadiness.
We had a 6-year-old crisis this morning. I was packing for my brother’s wedding in Mexico chatting on the phone with my mom, when my daughter came in with big crocodile tears telling me she had lost her tooth. And not like, lost it from her head, but lost it from the little sparkly plastic tooth holder the tooth fairy had let her keep it in when she left her the five bucks a couple weeks ago. (I know, our tooth fairy is very new age. She leaves the money and the tooth.)
I’m home. And exhaling.
It’s that deep guttural exhale that happens with your whole body and feels so good that your eyes dampen and your heart swells.
My daughter and I whisked to Texas this past weekend to be by my husband’s side for his grandfather’s funeral, and despite the somber air, it was really sweet to see his extended family all gathered together in the name of celebration and reverence. Everyone was on their best behavior, and it was a string of low-stress days filled with laughter and the good kind of tears.
It’s been over a week of being sick. Not just me, but my 6-year-old daughter too. Snarfly, snotty, sneezy sick. The kind that makes people look at you and then take two giant steps back.
We’ve been making it on our own one day and one tissue at a time. My husband is away in Texas while his grandfather slowly makes the transition out of his body and back into the Oneness. And honestly, things have felt hard.
