There's a Place We Hide Deep Dark Inside

I keep all my clients' readings. I rarely look back at them. But they feel like sacred texts, like portholes directly to the Divine, and so I neatly stack them in a safe corner of my computer with the reverence they deserve.

That being said I went back and read one today from a woman I hold very dear. She is a friend of my sister's who has become a friend of mine somewhere along the way, and she physically whooshed into my life this week like a glistening mirage. I'm still not sure she was real. 

She holds the work we have done together in high regard, and for me that is deeply touching. Even though I've had brain orgasms in meditation and I've seen dead people and I've felt beings manipulating my own body, I still sometimes doubt my gifts. Still. (I know.)

So when I saw her this week and we started discussing the ripple effects the readings have created in her life, I was suddenly awash with this deep knowing that there was something buried in those pages for me too. Something more than validation of my cool party trick. 

And so I dove in. On a whim. And as I devoured the words of our first reading my body bristled with the kind of chills that stop you dead in your tracks and make you realize we are definitely not alone in this world. We are connected. All of us. We are literally one organism. We. are. one. 

It isn't a cliche or a marketing slogan; we are truly these buzzing little bits of one big whole. It's like humanity is one live, breathing body, and each of us is one cell carrying out our function on behalf of that body. But most of us walk around completely oblivious that we're supposed to be cooperating for a larger mission. We're cowering in the darkness of our own little cell instead of seeing the light beyond our walls.

And her reading was chock full of these messages. Oneness. Connection. Wholeness. If I didn't know it was my own, I would have wanted to know who had written it. It felt so important. So prophetic. It honestly spooks me sometimes. Like I'm holding information too big for me. Like someone else should have been chosen to channel these words. Like maybe I'm a little in over my head. 

Even now as I type this my right ear is ringing - a sign for me that "they" are near. And I have that deep knowing that starts in the sacred feminine space at the seat of my power. It's this knowing that we really are living in a  pivotal time in history. A knowing that this gift is going to transform at warp speed and that there are many more messages to come. 

So I'm trying to lean into that instead of retreating into the space of me that resists it. I'm trying to open and soften when mostly I just want to hold my breath and hide. For some reason it doesn't feel quite safe yet to just be me in this way. And so I find ways to dance around the gift but not jump all the way in.

Sooner or later it's going to be too bright to hide.