I am a science experiment for the Divine. And it's showing up in the form of an alien presence in my meditations.
Today I went into meditation so clogged, so heavy. My stomach was upset from eating late, my body was tired from a weekend of too much sun and my muscles ached from two solid days in the car and a new bed.
But as I moved from the base of my spine up my body focusing the energy of expansiveness in each center of power in my body, I felt the clogs move. I observed my own resistance and with a trail of shaking and moaning that trembled throughout my cells, I experienced the clear sensation of a rag being dragged through the center channel of my being, scraping away the energetic goo that had formed inside my body.
Strange, I know. But that's the best way to describe it.
I have practiced meditation with gusto and devotion for three years now, and the mystical has continued to find me with increasing peculiarity and love. So to me, it's not so strange to say a big mystical alien rag was tugged through my body in the name of clarity and creativity and, well, cleanliness.
And the stranger the things that happen to me, the more I have this desire - no, an absolute necessity - to share. To record. To remember. To honor what is happening in my life and body.
I credit this calculated cleaning of my earthly form to the waking of the sleeping dragon at the base of my spine - the kundalini energy. Part of my daily meditation practice includes kundalini breathing to stir and awaken this energy to travel up through my body to the brain, and on many occasions I have felt its movement so palpably that I have been thrown into ecstatic bliss. Brain orgasms.
True story. (And they feel as amazing as they sound.)
A past version of me would downplay my experience. I would find every reason why I probably made it up or perhaps it wasn't as real as I thought. I would feel the pressure for homogeny, and I would writhe at the thought of being so different.
But the version of myself I have carefully crafted in meditation over these last three years knows that anything different is good. This version knows that mystical shit is a surefire sign of connection to the Whole. And she knows that sharing that Truth is the most loving thing she can do.
So here I am. Sharing.
And although I don't feel called right now to teach the practicality of this process, as in the actual steps to do it. I do feel called to share my experience. Because in the reality I experience through my lens each day, you don't have to teach people "how" to most impact them, you only have to show them "why" it's important. They'll find their own how that works even better than what I could drum up.
So here's why today I'm thinking breath work, meditation and calling in a higher energy is important.
It has made me a better version of myself.
The deeper I get into meditation and the more the beings show up to clean me, the more gratitude, love and compassion I feel. And the more someone feels elevated emotions, the better we are for each other. People don't give and help from a place of constriction; they do those things from expansion.
It has opened me up to possibility.
Limitation is the disease of our species. We create invisible walls around ourselves in the name of false beliefs and then obligingly (albeit sometimes resentfully) live within those walls. Why?
It isn't safe to live in tightly confined corners of our heart, it's just a shame. A shame because we are so much more than we realize. A shame because even opening one tiny little inch can spread love and light to hundreds of those around us in this technologically connected age. A shame because living a fuller, more daring life is just a whole lot more fun.
It has made me more open-minded.
I chuckle at some of the words and phrases coming out my own mouth these days. I laugh when I look at some of the people I feel most comfortable around in this version of me. Woo-woo might be putting it a little too lightly sometimes. But I fucking love it.
I have never felt so open, so free and so in love with life. I am not the close-minded, judging machine I once was to experiences and people that felt or looked different from me. I realize that judgment is just a minion of fear, and fear is no longer my master.
Life is so much easier and more fun when we don't constrict our energy at every turn. This is what judgment does. It shrinks the field around the body and closes you up. Why? What are we so afraid of?
An alien energy visits me almost every morning. I stuff crystals in my bra every day. When I talk about orgasms I have to clarify whether I'm talking sexual or meditation orgasms. My life is weird. And I am so beyond okay with that.