It’s been two days since I arrived home from an epic two weeks in France with my sister Lacy leading the Shift retreat, and I’m basking in all I’m grateful for and how changed I feel. In my life there has truly been nothing like travel (okay, maybe motherhood, but that’s a whole different bag) to tune my heart and completely alter my perspective on myself and the world.
I set out on this trip thinking it would be all about fun and adventure with my sis (which in part it was), but what actually happened was I fell madly in love with my life back home and the woman I am. I saw myself reflected in the love and joy of all 14 women at the retreat, and I felt the depths of my power in new and yummy ways.
For the last five years I’ve been in full-on resistance mode to the mystical work I do with people. It wasn’t what I expected or intended for my life, and yet there it was, undeniable and squarely in my face. And on this trip I came to deeper levels of peace and understanding with that aspect of me. I don’t feel the need to explain it or make people more comfortable with it. I take me for who I am, and I’m deeply in love with who I’m still becoming, weird mystical shit and all.
My sister has always made me feel so deeply seen. She has always rooted me on and built me up, and I realized this journey with Shift retreats over the past three years has been about seeing myself in the way she sees me, about believing in myself in the way she does. And I feel like I finally saw myself in that forever-changed kind of way. And I’m so damn grateful.
There was a lot of ruminating in my heart and mind on this trip on what it means to grow older and to be in a body that is changing. My body has been carrying weight for the past few years that doesn’t reflect the lightness I feel inside, and something shifted in France. I found me inside the body, and something unvelcroed around what it looks like on the outside. I know there is more growth there yet to happen, but at the same time there is already sweet relief.
When I set out on this trip, I said, “Wouldn’t it be nice if I experienced the same deep and lasting shifts as the students, but as the teacher? Wouldn’t it be nice if I felt as wildly changed as them but just by teaching the material?”
And I did. I am.
I feel freedom and possibility wrapped up in a whole lot of love. And that feels so deeply right.